slice open my veins and let the romance bleed away [entries|friends|calendar] When will our nightmare ever end? [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(blow a kiss) [29 Jul 2004|11:04am] ONe last announcement that the LJ has been changed to x_just_a_girlx that is all...

(7 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) [28 Jul 2004|02:11pm] NEW JOURNAL BECAUSE THIS ONE WONT WORK RIGHT... X_JUST_A_GIRLX ...   NOT THAT MUCH DIFFERENT BUT I F YOU WANT ON THE FRIENDS LIST COMMENT THERE...

(blow a kiss) you think the world would have had had enough of silly love songs.... [28 Jul 2004|01:17pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | we can be lovers- moulin rouge ] this is a really stupid update, but im beyond bored... Karen found a new boy and im super happy for her!!!!! guess good things come in fair time for the two of us!! I love my karen soo much!!!! yay!!! Talked to ang and ana today so far.. hopfully ill see ana later, i miss her! I like going to sleep happy because then thats how i wake up!! Life is soo good... i hope my mom doesnt come home in one of her pissy moods, cuz thats gunna piss me off alot!! im thinking about showering now, but i dont think im going anywhere for quite a while, so to get ready now would be pointless... maybe ill go do some laundry so my mom is happy and cant yell at me...

(2 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) you've got killer eyes that hypnotize.... [28 Jul 2004|12:08am] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | ace of base ] amazing day.... hung out with ang!!!!!!! woot woot!! adam picked me up, went to marks, chilled with ali for a bit (<33!!), went to see ancorman with adam, mark, mike and jayyyyyy! i love them!! I love tonight!!!!

(blow a kiss) and i wash my hands of you and getting on with my life.... [26 Jul 2004|12:20pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | the recluse-cursive ] haha over him, like whoa!! Today was a very blah day, people were sad, some were pissed off... and some were happy... and some like me who couldnt be happy cuz everyone else was sad... Jays party was nice, unfortunaly he didnt enjoy it, but i think most people did... i love him and hope things start getting better for him... Darren and i made another one of our random trips to the supermarket, this time to buy peppermints and find nut-poppers and virgin pink lemonade... hahaha it was awesome! i love him then we went to marks, linda, mike, janty, jill, damian, laura were there, then adam showed up and we all had a fun night!! now im home, bored.. sleepy... sleep that sounds like a good idea... night everyone

(blow a kiss) im running out of time, my mother says im fine, teenage suicide.... [25 Jul 2004|12:18pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | teenagesuicide-unwrittenlaw ] I hate my family alot... i told her i dont like being left alone with him, she does it anyway. god damn it i hate my fucking life soo much right now... I'v been in such an awful mood latly! grrr.. i want fucking out.... jays party is today, so i guess that should be fun...

(1 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) but i love the way you roll excuses off the tip of your tounge.... [25 Jul 2004|01:17am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | tbs-lullaby ] "....as i slowly fall apart..." stuff... nothing too amazing.. had fun with the people i played with today though.... New conclusion! i have this extream problem with boys... i mean i dont believe what they say anymore.. wanna know why, cuz boys lie an awful lot... and i hate it! so i dont believe what they say, no one gets hurt, the world goes on turning and I'm a happy, very sceptic, but happy person!!! yeah! So anyway, i was looking at all anas pictures on her LJ dating back to when she got her digital camera! they made me smile because of all the good times we had in the past and how many more are to come! so to end this entry i love ali and ana a whole lot!!!

(4 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) i almost forgot who i was, but i came to my senses.... [22 Jul 2004|10:40pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | aperfectsonnet-brighteyes ] Yeah i came to my fucking sense, and now im back to being who i am.... not that happy person i pretend... im done being an actress, i should have won a fucking emmy.... hung out with ang tonight, we had fun, dyed hair... then i finally had to come home again, and once again another fight.. more tears... as if shit wasnt bad enough on the outside world, i come home and have to deal w/ this bull... she doesnt even fucking care that im scared to be around him, she doesnt fucking care that im depressed, and scared and hurt... she doesnt notice even if i tell her.. and he, well he's just an abusive jackass.... I'm really scared of a bunch of things right now, things i dont feel like talking about.. ever. because i'll sound stupid saying them, and anyone i would actually tell wouldnt understand... I HATE THE FUCKING WORLD, I WANT OUT ALREADY GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!

(1 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) you can squint out it though snowy static to make out the meaning... [21 Jul 2004|09:08am] [ music | bright eyes ] I LOVE ANA SOO MUCH!! Last night no one was around as usual... so we danced around the house all night, drank a bit, and made a toast to being best friends forever!! we had such an awesome time dancing like lunitics and rocking out to reel big fish... i swear we're married, we live together, cry together, she goes to her class, i clean while shes gone, we feed eachother, i call her to make sure shes coming home on time, lol, we're wives i swear!! I've been spending alot of time with ang and ana latly and i could never ask for better best friends! they are amazing!! So in my tweeked out stuper last night b4 going to bed, i wondered about love, boys, friends and came to some vert strange conclusions, and this lead to an even stranger intricate dream.... hum.... so i'v got this funny feeling in my stomache and its when you know something big is gunna happen, but you dont know what or how soon, but you know somethings coming... i dunno man.... w/e

(blow a kiss) [20 Jul 2004|01:37am] Suggy1232: Run away with me and you wont have to worry about the other guys :-) XosNFGcHiCsoX: where are we gunna go?? Suggy1232: umm....we'll elope. We'll run away and get married haha. XosNFGcHiCsoX: then what?? XosNFGcHiCsoX: haha Suggy1232: lol...we live happily ever after? XosNFGcHiCsoX: i like that idea.... happily ever after endings make me smile Suggy1232: :-D XosNFGcHiCsoX: :-D Suggy1232: you make me smile XosNFGcHiCsoX: you make me smile too!! yay for smiley people who are insomniacs!!!!!!!!!! Suggy1232: hell yeah! XosNFGcHiCsoX: i think we should make tee-shirts that say that Suggy1232: sounds like a plan Yay samlovegus cuz he's super cool and make her smile and not be sad anymore after her rant....

(2 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) thats my voice rising.... [20 Jul 2004|12:05am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | bright eyes ] so i met this guy down the shore, and he's really sweet, smart, funny, cute, rich... the whole kit and kaboodle... but he keeps calling me, and wanting to come visit and stuff... and dont get me wrong, he's a cool kid, but i dont think he's the kinda guy i would want to date, and he's kinda jumping in a little too soon. Plus i dont think it would very fair to let him think that this is going somewhere when theres someone else i really like and am head over heals for... But i continued to ponder this thought when i came to the realization that i cant keep waiting around for this guy to be mine if its never gunna happen, i shouldnt waste my time on what could be a lost cause.... but further pondering this situation, i wondered what if it isnt a lost cause and by trying to be with someone else in spite of my feelings, i screw things up and it becomes a lost cause to him... but than again i may be going in a little too deep with this thinking and may just rendure myself insane by wondering what to do, and who im wasting my time on and who im not.. i mean i fucked up once with a friend who i wasted my time on, and plenty of boyfriends b4, but ya know, i think too much... and wonder what could be, and what really is real...and i dont really know, but i wish someone could make some sort of sense of this whole thing... i wish i could forget about both of the boys, and just be occupied with my friends, but since that hasnt worked out phenomenlly i guess ill have to deal and wait and see what happens... oh i wish this would be simple and that my mind wasnt so compliated

(3 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) its a shocking bitter footage viewed from a shitty tv screen... [19 Jul 2004|02:29pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Lover i dont have to love- bright eyes ] ok so i cant stand my family... i kicked a hole in the wall, which was really dumb, and ill probably wind up being in alot of trouble.. oh well.... my mom is such a bitch, and my dad is a huge ass and well, i really cant take the bullshit with them on top of other things...with other people... yeah which makes me realize that people are assholes, who are more selfish than anything else... they seem to care not for how someone else feels based on their actions, they do and say what they want at that moment, never thinking of how the other person is gunna feel. I am guilty of the same thing, but i try not to say or do anything that hurts anyone else, which i rarely do, but some how I'm always the person who gets lied to, put down, hurt, forgotten about... ---I feel like giving up already, everything i try to make right, everything i try to make work always winds up getting fucked up.... i really feel emotionless now, im sick of the words with no meaning, i'm sick of the lies, i'm sick of all the assholes out there who make this life hardly worth living... "I'v got a funny feeling, we're all born to lose, and i'v got a funny feeling, that this life aint worth living though..." (RBF)

(3 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) tick tock you dont stop rockin my world.... [18 Jul 2004|03:03pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | reelbigfish-banthetubetop ] Vacation was sooooo much fun!!! -saturday we got down and my cousin and i had such a blast till she left on tuesday night... -Wednesday mike ali gus jill and mark came down!!! Oh man i LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH!! we went to the beach, got covered in blue fish eggs and jellyfish... eww.. lol, and we played in the pool, went to charlie browns, and the to seaside, and then it poured like crazy and me and ali attempted to go to adrenaline, but ya know half way there we looked like we just got resuced from drowning in the ocean and went back to the arcade where they rest of them were, We finally got back to my place, and they slept over... YAY!! soo much fun!! NExt few days i hung out with tanya, we went to the surf club, DANCED ALOT ALOT!! met lots of boys, and my new friend Mike ((Zeno)), who goes to rutgers.. Friday ana and dea came down, dea and i had a fight in the water, and the three of us looked like lesbians all the time, went to ben and jerrys and zeno showed up, went back to the condo, dea left, ana and i showered, and zeno ana his friend and i went to seaside for the night, soo much fun, and mike won me a puppy!!(well stuffed i mean) Satuday ana and i went on the beach and to the pool for a bit, and then came home, ppl came over by her, and we all had a great time!!!!!!!!!! yay!! Sam= happy person!

(1 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) yes you can just hold my hand, i think that would help.... [09 Jul 2004|03:48pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | method acting ] ROMAS GONE AND WE HAVE HAD THE BEST TWO DAYS EVER!!!! Day one was amazing, as was day 2, (yesterday) OH man, so many pictures, so many memories!! haha Bob ross, and "hank you motherfucker"-Kevin fucking davies! Joslyn and i moved in, but now i have to leave for the shore tomorrow, which always makes me super happy!! SO many people came by, like mike and ali and crew, doof, billy, kevin and some of his friends, and we all had such an awesome time!! yaya so tomorrow i leave for the shore w/ kristen (my cousin)!!! woot woot!!!!!!! sooo much fun, we're soo partying every fucking night!!! I cannot wait! life is soo good sometimes!! (well i could think of something that would make it absolutly perfect!)

(1 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) and i hang like a star fucking glow in the dark.... [07 Jul 2004|11:36am] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | bright eyes ] oh man, yesterday moutian creek with ana ali mike jay and damian= SUCH AN AWESOME DAY!!!!!!!! OH man, we had sooo much fun, it was excellent!!! then we came home and went to taka, and marks house, and darren showed up and we went for a drive that turned into going to 6 brothers diner! and wow we had such a good time! Darren is absolutly the most fun person to be around, him and his accents and the calling of someone who we arent mentioning with all his different personalities! I LOVE DARREN!!!! yay!!!!!!! He drove me home and his stupid cd player wanted to keep my cd and wouldnt give it back so we gave up trying, lol.... Talked to ang for a bit, and billy, and wound up staying awake untill 5am, and since i actually wanted to sleep you know someone had to foil my plan, and i wake up to my dog barking like fucking crazy at 10 cuz the door bell rang, so eventually i got my ass out of bed to look out the window and see what insane asshole decided to be at my house at 10am, and i see this black man, and he is banging on my gutters and im like "wtf!!!" and found out that hes supposed to be there fixing them, AND IM RUNNING ON 5 HOURS OF SLEEP AND NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i'v actually been tanning since i got up cuz i figured i would make some sort of use of this ungodly hour that i am awake.... gahhhhhh

(2 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) [06 Jul 2004|02:20am] Grunge! You're all about the music and would even turn your back on fame just to stay true to your roots... You reached your high in the early '90s, but you're still making some good stuff! Keep rocking! What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla

(4 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) the sky will never look the same again till you show me how it could be..,, [02 Jul 2004|04:16pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | nfg-sticks and stones ] ok so this weekend i'll be in new russia(upstate NY) if any of you are wondering... i also dont get service there, so its me ana and steve out where you cant possibly reach us.lol, but ill be back sometime monday afternoon... so if its important you can leave voicemails on my cell (201 704 4609) and ill check them when we wander into town... otherwise its swimming in beautiful waterfalls and sunbathing in one of the most beautiful places i'v ever been!! yay! and Happy 4th of July everyone!!!!!!

(1 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) i will always love you..... [01 Jul 2004|11:41pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | i will always love you ] last night chilled w/ang, fun times!!! today went to lindas grad party thing, then went to the fireworks w/mike jill linda and kat, then jay showed up, saw a whole bunch off ppl, jay and i went to the diner.. then on the way home dea ana doof and josyln were in front of us and they came over by my house and we talked for a bit!! yay i love these people ok so now im really sad and i dont know why so im done writting... and karen sweetie i hope you feel better soon and your in my prayers tonight

(2 slit my wrists | blow a kiss) another night another dream but always you, its like a vision of love that seems to be true! [30 Jun 2004|03:04pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | all that she wants ] ok so i made this really awesome/crazy/weird/fun cd and ana named it "once upon a time..." and then you have to finish the sentence so heres the playlist and you can tell me what you think (Ex: Once upon a time..."a silly girl named sam made this cd"-ana) 1.) haddaway- what is love 2.) save ferris- come on eileen 3.) temtations- build me up buttercup 4.) amber- this is your night 5.) brittney spears- toxic 6.) b52's- love shack 7.) la bouche- another night another dream 8.) billy jole- its still rock and roll to me 9.)la bouche- be my lover 10.) cyndi lauper- heaven is a place on earth 11.)catch 22- on and on and on 12.)rick james- superfreak 13.)ace of base- all that she wants 14.)reel big fish- take on me 15.) cyndi lauper- girls just wanna have fun 16.) lynard skynard- sweet home alabama 17.) gina g- oh ah just a little bit 18.) reel big fish- brown eyed girl 19.) ace of base- i saw the sign 20.) afroman- colt 45

(blow a kiss) take on me, take me home, ill be gone in a day or two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [30 Jun 2004|01:52pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | buildmeupbuttercup ] wow, my sister is such a fucking psycho bitch!!! im going insane!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna kill her!!! her and my fucking moron for a father! they are both fucking asses!!!!!!! anytime i start to enjoy my life they come along and piss me off to no fucking end!!!! i want them so out of my life! grrrrrrrrrrrr! so to get my mind off their idioicy, im listening to reel big fish's covers of old songs cuz its amusing me alot.... them and the Temptations... yay! ok so i have no idea what im doing today, im bored like bad! and i want to kill my family! grrr

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